Friday, June 26, 2009

Just Say No To Diamonds

Would it be that hard to create a North American and European campaign against diamonds?

I don't mean the "blood diamonds" - just the ones that are acquired via slavery, beatings, civil war and other kinds of murder.

I mean that there should be a campaign against all diamonds.

The author of the Kimberley Process for certifying diamonds has resigned in the face of the fact that the people who should have been regulating the Kimberley process have simply failed to do so.

The United States apparently soaks up about half of the world's diamonds as a result of a concerted campaign in the 1930s, paid for by the diamond industry, to create an expectation among young women that diamonds are essential to a marriage proposal.

Maybe the money spent on the Kimberley process was spent incorrectly.

Wouldn't it have been more efficient to spend that same money on television, billboard and radio ads teaching everyone to be horrified at the presence of diamonds?

Take that guy in the fancy suit, down on his knee, offering a diamond ring and put him against a backdrop of blood and murder and slain children. How many times do you have to show that ad before nary a soul wants to be involved with diamonds at all?

You're probably saying, "what about the legitimate diamond miners?". To that I can only say that 'legitimate' is a funny word for a bunch of people running a worldwide monopoly and price-fixing scheme. Don't believe me? Take that heirloom engagement ring left behind in an inheritance and actually try to sell it. Don't just have it appraised. Actually try to sell it. You'll get about ten cents on the dollar.

The whole thing is a lie.

The whole thing is a scam.

If you want my opinion, the money that went in to the Kimberley Process could have been better spent on anti-diamond marketing.

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Monday, June 22, 2009

It's a Sad, Sad Day

One of Ottawa's most venerable institutions has been cited for a liquor license violation and had its license suspended for five days.

It used to be that this city stood for something. It used to represent a standard of morals and ethics that exceeded the norms, that symbolized all that this country ever was and ever could be.

A place where women dance on a stage, remove their clothing and squirm around on customers' laps was a place we could trust. It was a place with a code of honour and a certain heightened level of classiness.

But no more.

" ... an Ontario liquor inspector ... discovered an apparently drunk person in the BareFax."

It's a sad, sad day, ladies and gentlemen, when a institution like this, a backbone of the Byward Market, only blocks away from our federal Parliament, performs like this. Whom can we trust if we can't trust a strip joint to make sure everyone under their charge is sober? What kind of nanny state would we be?

Hopefully, this five-day suspension will teach the Barefax its lesson and, reproached, it will rejoin the community in a healthy, respectable and moral manner.

Until then, I suppose this should be considered an opportunity. Table dances are 3 for the price of 2 until the license comes back and it's a good opportunity for devout Baptists, Muslims, Mormons and others opposed to alcohol to go see some strippers.

Silver lining through the clouds, people. Chin up, we'll get through this blight on our city's reputation.

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