Seriously. Think about it.
All Indy had to do was let that Belloq dude take the medallion. He would have found the ark, opened it, and killed himself and all the Nazis.
Then the good guys swoop in with the greatest of ease and make off with the conveniently self-sealed ark and toss it in that warehouse.
Instead, we have to kill a bunch of Nepalese, burn down a bar, kill a whole lot of Egyptians, drag Indy under a car, annoy a bunch of African boat guys, etc. etc.
And then what? Bad guy opens ark and everyone who looks at it dies.
Waste. Of. Time.
Maybe the guys who do the "How it should have ended" videos can do that next.
Showing posts with label I'm never ironic. Show all posts
Showing posts with label I'm never ironic. Show all posts
Friday, October 08, 2010
Friday, November 27, 2009
Dubai's Debt: A Proposal
From the Globe and Mail:
"the emirate revealed this week it was asking for a six-month reprieve on paying its bills."
I say, "No problem, Dubai. We can work together on this.".
First of all, you can have six months with no payments on your $60 billion debt.
There will be a 5% administrative fee of $3 billion dollars.
Collection agents will be monitoring you for the next six months, calling you at all hours of the night to remind you that you're a dead beat.
Your interest rate will be 28.5% for the next six months, but as long as you pay back all $60 billion on the billing date (please allow three days for electronic transactions) you will only have to pay the administrative fee.
Failure to ensure that we receive all $60 billion by the due date will result in a charge of six months of 28.5% interest on the entire $60 billion (not just the unpaid portion), compounded monthly. The interest rate on any unpaid portion after that date will be 35.7%, compounded daily, in addition to a monthly 5% administrative fee on any unpaid portion.
Like I said: I'm sure we can work this out in a fair manner.
"the emirate revealed this week it was asking for a six-month reprieve on paying its bills."
I say, "No problem, Dubai. We can work together on this.".
First of all, you can have six months with no payments on your $60 billion debt.
There will be a 5% administrative fee of $3 billion dollars.
Collection agents will be monitoring you for the next six months, calling you at all hours of the night to remind you that you're a dead beat.
Your interest rate will be 28.5% for the next six months, but as long as you pay back all $60 billion on the billing date (please allow three days for electronic transactions) you will only have to pay the administrative fee.
Failure to ensure that we receive all $60 billion by the due date will result in a charge of six months of 28.5% interest on the entire $60 billion (not just the unpaid portion), compounded monthly. The interest rate on any unpaid portion after that date will be 35.7%, compounded daily, in addition to a monthly 5% administrative fee on any unpaid portion.
Like I said: I'm sure we can work this out in a fair manner.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Police Officers Are Perfect
In fact, they're inhuman machines of perfection who never, ever allow their emotions to prevent them from acting in the exactly perfect, moral, legal manner in which they've been trained.
Or so the spokesman for the Ontario Police College would have you believe:
That's right. Unlike the rest of us human beings, police officers behave exactly the same way whether you're watching them or not. And they never, ever lie about it either.
Police officers are amazing.
Or so the spokesman for the Ontario Police College would have you believe:
A spokesman said officers are trained to handle arrests in a professional manner, regardless of circumstance.
"The presence or absence of cellphone recording or other recording equipment is not relevant," the spokesman said.
That's right. Unlike the rest of us human beings, police officers behave exactly the same way whether you're watching them or not. And they never, ever lie about it either.
Police officers are amazing.
Friday, September 25, 2009
The Horrors of Socialism: An Open Letter to Americans
I want to write now directly to the American people. I want to warn our neighbours to the south about the horrors of adopting a Socialist system. I want to tell them about the horrific nature of things they can’t understand. I want them to know the consequences of electing Barack Obama.
First of all, you will be surprised to see how the insidious tendrils of Socialism will penetrate to every facet of life. In Canada, we have Socialized nearly everything in the name of, “quality of life” and “health” and “equality”.
For instance, unlike everywhere in America where people rightfully pay to have their houses doused with water when they catch on fire, the Socialist Fire Department of Canada comes to house and business fires and puts them out. Sometimes they take up to ten minutes to reach the scene and, in a move destructive to the righteous philosophy of capitalism, many of the firefighters are volunteers.
I know. Earth shattering isn’t it? Take a minute to catch your breath before going on.
We don’t have a lot of mercenaries in our country either. The Socialist Police Department collectively (I know, it makes me gag, too) protects everyone, equally, and never charges money to the victims of crime. The only people who pay money are the perpetrators of crimes and that only happens after they go through a trial.
Take a deep breath. I have to explain to you about our Socialist Book Network. We have these buildings scattered throughout our country called “libraries” that are maintained through tax dollars. There you can get books free just by providing identification. You have to return them, though, and there are often “waiting lists” to get some books. You’ll notice when you visit Canada that this has destroyed the private book industry completely.
I’ll let you finish retching, because it gets worse. This is the part that directly affects you, so take a deep, deep breath so you can read it.
Our entire medical and hospital system is Socialized. It’s governed by a ministry with the clever name “Health Canada” so that anyone who is upset about it can be accused of being an unpatriotic traitor. It’s horrific. I’ll give you an example:
Four years ago, my father had a horrible heart problem. He found himself suddenly weak and nearing death. My mother helped him in to their vehicle and whipped him over to the hospital. There a doctor – without having to check with my dad’s insurance company – diagnosed my father with clogged up arteries. The government paid for the entire examination and the clot-busting drugs that were used on him.
The only people who made money off this transaction were the doctors, nurses and receptionists who directly interacted with my father. Don’t you get it? This system is doomed! How can a system of health work if there are no shareholders demanding a profit? How can the efficiency of the system improve if completely unrelated people aren’t demanding more and more money for their invested dollars?
My father was taken by a Socialized Public Ambulance to another hospital where a cardiac surgeon waited. By 6pm on the day of his near-death, he was under the knife for triple bypass surgery. During the surgery, the surgeon discovered that the fourth artery was also nearly clogged and she performed a fourth bypass. She did not stop during the surgery to seek additional approval from anyone. Her expert opinion was enough.
I can only imagine the pasty-white look of horror on your face. She could go and do an extra bypass because she thought it was best for her patient? And no one made money off my father’s illness? No profit, anywhere? How can you Canadians even run an economy like this? And really, waiting six hours for a quadruple bypass? I’m sure the waiting times for a retired teacher in his sixties are so much shorter in your country. I’m embarrassed to even mention that part of it.
And to think, no one even weighed his life. No one looked at his salary or his pension to decide if maybe a retired teacher hadn’t contributed as much to society as, say, a CEO or banking executive had. No one considered that maybe my father wasn’t worth saving. They just fixed him because Socialism says that, “Every Life is of Equal Value.”.
I write this letter not to disparage my own country. We are too far gone down the path of Socialism. There’s no hope for us. But you! You I can save from this horror. Keep the profit motive in your health system. Keep judging people by their salaries. Don’t let Socialism ruin the beautiful, efficient system you have!
Greg.
First of all, you will be surprised to see how the insidious tendrils of Socialism will penetrate to every facet of life. In Canada, we have Socialized nearly everything in the name of, “quality of life” and “health” and “equality”.
For instance, unlike everywhere in America where people rightfully pay to have their houses doused with water when they catch on fire, the Socialist Fire Department of Canada comes to house and business fires and puts them out. Sometimes they take up to ten minutes to reach the scene and, in a move destructive to the righteous philosophy of capitalism, many of the firefighters are volunteers.
I know. Earth shattering isn’t it? Take a minute to catch your breath before going on.
We don’t have a lot of mercenaries in our country either. The Socialist Police Department collectively (I know, it makes me gag, too) protects everyone, equally, and never charges money to the victims of crime. The only people who pay money are the perpetrators of crimes and that only happens after they go through a trial.
Take a deep breath. I have to explain to you about our Socialist Book Network. We have these buildings scattered throughout our country called “libraries” that are maintained through tax dollars. There you can get books free just by providing identification. You have to return them, though, and there are often “waiting lists” to get some books. You’ll notice when you visit Canada that this has destroyed the private book industry completely.
I’ll let you finish retching, because it gets worse. This is the part that directly affects you, so take a deep, deep breath so you can read it.
Our entire medical and hospital system is Socialized. It’s governed by a ministry with the clever name “Health Canada” so that anyone who is upset about it can be accused of being an unpatriotic traitor. It’s horrific. I’ll give you an example:
Four years ago, my father had a horrible heart problem. He found himself suddenly weak and nearing death. My mother helped him in to their vehicle and whipped him over to the hospital. There a doctor – without having to check with my dad’s insurance company – diagnosed my father with clogged up arteries. The government paid for the entire examination and the clot-busting drugs that were used on him.
The only people who made money off this transaction were the doctors, nurses and receptionists who directly interacted with my father. Don’t you get it? This system is doomed! How can a system of health work if there are no shareholders demanding a profit? How can the efficiency of the system improve if completely unrelated people aren’t demanding more and more money for their invested dollars?
My father was taken by a Socialized Public Ambulance to another hospital where a cardiac surgeon waited. By 6pm on the day of his near-death, he was under the knife for triple bypass surgery. During the surgery, the surgeon discovered that the fourth artery was also nearly clogged and she performed a fourth bypass. She did not stop during the surgery to seek additional approval from anyone. Her expert opinion was enough.
I can only imagine the pasty-white look of horror on your face. She could go and do an extra bypass because she thought it was best for her patient? And no one made money off my father’s illness? No profit, anywhere? How can you Canadians even run an economy like this? And really, waiting six hours for a quadruple bypass? I’m sure the waiting times for a retired teacher in his sixties are so much shorter in your country. I’m embarrassed to even mention that part of it.
And to think, no one even weighed his life. No one looked at his salary or his pension to decide if maybe a retired teacher hadn’t contributed as much to society as, say, a CEO or banking executive had. No one considered that maybe my father wasn’t worth saving. They just fixed him because Socialism says that, “Every Life is of Equal Value.”.
I write this letter not to disparage my own country. We are too far gone down the path of Socialism. There’s no hope for us. But you! You I can save from this horror. Keep the profit motive in your health system. Keep judging people by their salaries. Don’t let Socialism ruin the beautiful, efficient system you have!
Greg.
Monday, June 22, 2009
It's a Sad, Sad Day
One of Ottawa's most venerable institutions has been cited for a liquor license violation and had its license suspended for five days.
It used to be that this city stood for something. It used to represent a standard of morals and ethics that exceeded the norms, that symbolized all that this country ever was and ever could be.
A place where women dance on a stage, remove their clothing and squirm around on customers' laps was a place we could trust. It was a place with a code of honour and a certain heightened level of classiness.
But no more.
" ... an Ontario liquor inspector ... discovered an apparently drunk person in the BareFax."
It's a sad, sad day, ladies and gentlemen, when a institution like this, a backbone of the Byward Market, only blocks away from our federal Parliament, performs like this. Whom can we trust if we can't trust a strip joint to make sure everyone under their charge is sober? What kind of nanny state would we be?
Hopefully, this five-day suspension will teach the Barefax its lesson and, reproached, it will rejoin the community in a healthy, respectable and moral manner.
Until then, I suppose this should be considered an opportunity. Table dances are 3 for the price of 2 until the license comes back and it's a good opportunity for devout Baptists, Muslims, Mormons and others opposed to alcohol to go see some strippers.
Silver lining through the clouds, people. Chin up, we'll get through this blight on our city's reputation.
It used to be that this city stood for something. It used to represent a standard of morals and ethics that exceeded the norms, that symbolized all that this country ever was and ever could be.
A place where women dance on a stage, remove their clothing and squirm around on customers' laps was a place we could trust. It was a place with a code of honour and a certain heightened level of classiness.
But no more.
" ... an Ontario liquor inspector ... discovered an apparently drunk person in the BareFax."
It's a sad, sad day, ladies and gentlemen, when a institution like this, a backbone of the Byward Market, only blocks away from our federal Parliament, performs like this. Whom can we trust if we can't trust a strip joint to make sure everyone under their charge is sober? What kind of nanny state would we be?
Hopefully, this five-day suspension will teach the Barefax its lesson and, reproached, it will rejoin the community in a healthy, respectable and moral manner.
Until then, I suppose this should be considered an opportunity. Table dances are 3 for the price of 2 until the license comes back and it's a good opportunity for devout Baptists, Muslims, Mormons and others opposed to alcohol to go see some strippers.
Silver lining through the clouds, people. Chin up, we'll get through this blight on our city's reputation.
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